I Can Never Be The Best

Pernah rasa tak yang kita ni tak cukup bagus untuk orang tu? Pernah rasa tak yang kebaikan kita tu tak cukup baik? Pernah rasa tak yang kita takkan pernah jadi yang terbaik?

To be honest, I rasa benda ni all the time and I don't even understand why. Sometimes I rasa I dah give my best tapi orang takkan pernah nampak. In fact orang selalu cakap yang I don't understand the situation la, I ni saja nak create scene la. Tapi orang tak pernah tanya I nak apa or apa yang I rasa. The best thing about being me kan, I never get bored and tired of everything. Walaupun mulut ni cakap dah serik, but I tetap akan be the same old me yang redha je dengan apa yang orang buat.

I have this one friend. She used to be my good good friend. Tapi out of the blue she just disappear macam tu je. Tak contact, tak cari, buat macam I ni strangers. I tak kisah pasal harta benda. Benda yang boleh settle then kita settle. Tapi tak perlu sampai nak jauhkan diri dari I sampai neglect I as if I ni tak pernah jadi kawan rapat.

I tau some of you akan rasa macam "tak perlu kot nak cerita masalah kat public" tapi I tak kisah. You guys wanna know why? Sebab there is no one yang sebenarnya rela hati nak dengar my problems. I can't share with any of my friends sebab most of my friends cuma cari I bila perlu je. So that is why I prefer let it all out kat sini sebab no one gives a shit about my blog.

I bukan jenis perempuan yang pandai put on make ups, do eyebrows, wear fancy accessories, pakai branded stuffs and high heels or even stylish hijab. I am just me -- village people. To be honest, I memang put so much efforts just to impress my boyfriend. Well orang akan cakap I ni desperate but at least I tak kacau sesiapa except for my boyfriend. I perempuan, I insecure all the time especially bila in a long distance relationship. Tapi tu la, sampai bila bila pun I akan rasa yang I belum cukup baik untuk dia. It's not just him, I think tak cukup baik untuk everyone.

Ugh it is so depressing bila fikir benda macam ni. I kinda hate my life.

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The First Kiss ❤️

It all started when I was in 1st semester. New life at a new place hoping to be better and if I could, find myself a girl. I didn't look, I never thought about looking for one. Some just pass by, and some stop by just to teach my heart a lesson.

One of those days during that semester, I joined a club called Persada -- because I like to dance and also with hope to see some hot babes. On one night I saw a hot babe. She was beautiful -- with a body that sway with her burgundy dress and a voice so loud yet sweet it shook my heart. I instantly felt an attraction towards her. The night passed but I did not catch her name and I felt like it would take a while before I could meet her again.

So I did what any 18 year old would do at that time -- I Facebook her. Although sadly I couldn't find her. But life goes on and more pass by and a few touch my heart. As days pass by and finals are coming to a close, I met two gentlemen who acknowledge my skills as a Bboy and acquire the same interest. They took me in and treated me like a brother. They taught me about perseverance, loyalty and most of all friendship.

In my 2nd semester, during one day of our daily routine at the Mechanical Faculty building, 4 girls came by and watch. I was shy at first, and it struck me, "that's her, the girl from the other night". My heart sank as she said hi to me -- and I pulled in my stomach, took a deep breath, look dead cold in her "pretty melt your heart eyes" and said "hey". I continue my routine -- trying to ignore them looking but at the same time trying to impress her.

Although I did not able to charm her heart that day, I caught her name. She had such a pretty name that fits her pretty self. As days goes by, I was able to find her on Facebook. I added her but we didn't talk -- just the usual "thanks for add ya :)". After a while my attraction towards her became stronger like a candle burning brighter and brighter.

Soon we became closer and started talking on a regular basis. But then the candle started to fade as my tears started falling on it as I found out she was not available. My girl at that time was in the hand of another man. And all I could do was put on a smile whenever she pass by.

As semesters pass -- many goodbyes has been spoken and many safe trip wishes has been said, we remain friends and it's undeniable that the candle still has a spark to it. One day during my semester break, I got a text from her. She was looking for me because she was alone in KL and she saw me as a friend that could be there for her. Sadly I couldn't but I promised to look for her back when I return -- and I did.

We started hanging out like any two friends would but one day, on 24th April 2014, my life changed. It was at the movie, Brick Mansion was showing and we decided it would be a good watch since the late Paul Walker was in it. We didn't felt awkward -- we held hands, and her hands felt like it has always held mine. Like it was perfectly made to fit in my hand.

And so the movie started -- she leaned her head on my shoulder, and I could smell her scent. So sweet it made my blood boil. I saw her lips -- pink with a hint of sexy. I couldn't hold it any longer. The candle started glowing brighter -- I wanted to kiss her so bad and so I fondled her neck and peck her cheeks, as she pushes me away.

I pushed my lips nearer to her's, and she held my face, looked into my eyes, and gave me a peck on the lips. Simple enough the candle exploded and I felt something that I never knew I could feel. It's so warm and nice inside. I immediately knew, this girl is something special and I should never let her go.

I choose to love her -- because she's my friend, she's my lover, and most of all, she's my happiness. I love her with all my heart. Without a doubt, she has been in my heart since forever. It just took her touch for my heart to see that all the pain in the past was worth that moment. She's my end and my beginning -- and I wouldn't want anyone else to stay in my heart but her.

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Lumrah Hidup

Assalamualaikum and hello bloggers. Hahaha as usual la I memang suka jadi chipsmore dekat blog ni kejap ada kejap hilang. Well nak kata busy tu tak juga cuma tahap kerajinan tu kurang sikit. Maybe it's because walaupun duduk rumah tapi ada commitment yang lain. Okay so what's the story? Let me see... Banyak je nak cerita so I'll just summarize everything and make the long stories short okay?

First of all. Alhamdulillah syukur I have completed my Diploma in Culinary Arts from University of Technology Mara (UiTM) Pulau Pinang. My 3 years journey has successfully ended with clean record. Memang syukur sangat sebab seriously I rasa macam baru je masuk UiTM haritu. Tengok sekarang dah dapat title "graduan". Well dah officially graduated la cuma tak pakai jubah, ambil scroll and baling topi lagi. Yang tu kena tunggu lagi 6 bulan *sigh* but yeah janji diploma dah dalam tangan. As I said on my Facebook my 2 life goals achieved which to make my parents proud and to have a Diploma. But yeah there are more goals yang memang lepas ni kena usaha lebih lagi. And my next goal is to have my Degree. Nak juga ada title "Bachelor in ..." tu kan. Dalam kurungan "Hons". Gitewww. Oh and of course -- KAHWIN!

Anyway. I have this one thing on my mind yang sampai sekarang I can't just figure it out. Tak tau nak cakap macam mana. Kalau cakap direct nanti ada yang terasa pula. But who cares. Rasanya benda ni memang lumrah la kan. So we just have to deal with it. Sometimes I rasa bengang dengan masyarakat kita ni, Bukan nak kata Melayu ni tak bagus but admit it orang Melayu ni memang tak boleh lari dari perasaan dengki, tak puas hati and suka sangat jaga tepi kain orang lain. Tak faham la kenapa dah zaman millennium pun masih wujud orang yang berperangai sebegitu rupa. Ugh. Geram bila fikir balik. I malas nak cerita perkara sebenar and it happens that I'm good at sarcasm so yeah faham sendiri je la. Hahaha. Sometimes people tend to act like they know everything about you. Lepas tu cakap main ikut sedap mulut tak tau cerita sebenar. Paling penting I just don't get it why do you have to bother with people's choices. Tak semua benda yang kita buat kita kena dapatkan permission dari each and every human being kan? Gelabah sangat. I mean come on. Just deal with the fact that I am tremendously happy with my choice. Hidup masing masing so tak payah nak masuk campur and act like you know me better. Tak perlu la sampai nak buka aib orang sebar macam macam kat semua orang and buat orang lain nampak diri kau ditindas. Ugh publisiti murahan sangat. So fuck it!

I really hope this kind of people mendapat hidayah dari Allah untuk menjalani hidup mereka dgn tenang tanpa perlu menjaga tepi kain orang lain. Amin. Anyway I am undoubtedly happy with one of my life choices which is to be Asyraf Kamaruddin's girlfriend. Memang la orang cakap kita kalau bercinta ni jangan taksub sangat. Buat biasa sudah. But yeah. I memang happy dengan dia and that's the kind of happiness that I need in life. Tak taksub but I'm thankful and there is no way I'm gonna lose him. To be honest we do have a lot of arguments especially bila dah duduk jauh ni but I guess that's what makes us stronger. Geram juga dengan dia ni sebab selalu nak menang je tapi it's my fault too (sometimes). Hahaha. Kalau nak compare between us I'm the one yang selalu sangat buat hal. Tapi dia sabar je walaupun sometimes dia hilang sabar juga la. I'm the greatest pain in his ass. I love him. I'm in love with his imperfections. I'm so in love. Tak tau nak cakap macam mana sebab nanti korang yang baca ni mesti annoyed. Hahaha. Sorry. So I guess entri kali ni stop sampai sini. Ada peluang nanti I will update more!

XOXO,
Zha

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I Need A Break

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone! Okay sebelum I bercerita dengan lebih lanjut I would like to give my deepest appreciation to those who willing to read my blog. Oh My Tiffany like seriously? Lama dah kot I tak update blog and then bila I update haritu I must say I'm amazed bila ada orang yang private message me tanya I okay ke tak. And then bila tanya kenapa diorang tanya, diorang cakap diorang baca kat blog I. Okay sumpah I terharu sangat especially bila yang baca blog I ni bukanlah orang yang I expect akan baca blog I. OMG OMG thank you guys. I really REALLY appreciate it. I mean blog I ni bukanlah those blogs yang awesome pawsome but you guys willing to spend your time to read it. THANK YOU! Oh and thank you Affan for the picture of an ear you gave me the other day. I appreciate it much. Balik Penang nanti I'm so gonna tell you everything from A to Z!

Okay. So as usual suddenly I feel like updating my blog. Report entah ke mana blog yang I layan dulu. Hahaha. Oh My Gucci kill me already! Sumpah I tak sabar nak end my diploma journey. I nak cepat cepat settle report and finals then balik and cuti for 5 freaking months before sambung degree balik. I mean come on you guys. 3 tahun kot kena hadap all those dramas and books and lectures. Gahh! I seriously need a break. Especially sebab dah 4 bulan lebih duduk kat KL ni. Lifeless gila. Thank God dah habis internship. Tapi dah habis internship nak hadap report la pula. BOSAN! Anyway tak sabar nak balik Sabah. Tak sabar nak balik rumah to be exact. Dekat rumah je la I can feel the pure love. Rasa macam princess sangat bila kat rumah. Hahaha.

Actually I ada banyak plan untuk September ni. Tapi semua plan pun kelaut. Ingatkan lepas settle report and finals nanti nak pergi vacation with classmates tapi diorang semua pun tak take part and tak bersungguh dalam planning ni. So macam tak vacation la cerita dia. And then second plan nak pergi Johor jumpa boyfriend before I balik Sabah for 5 months tu tapi boyfriend tak nak I datang Johor. Dia kata dia nak focus dengan study dia. Nampak sangat I ni macam distraction for him. I datang bukan nak kacau dia pun. I boleh je jaga diri I sendiri. Oh well I guess baik I balik rumah and jaga mak ayah I. I bet diorang akan lagi appreciate kedatangan I. Another plan was nak tunggu boyfriend habis final exam so boleh la jumpa dia lagi before balik Sabah tapi mummy tak bagi. So 5 months without boyfriend? Kill me. Long distance relationship sucks. I hate this.

Yang peliknya boyfriend I macam cool je kalau kitorang tak jumpa. Well to be honest almost everyday I nangis setiap kali scroll my camera roll. Tapi boyfriend I tak. Dia selalu marah marah I. Sometimes I don't get him. I tak tau bila masa yang I boleh manja bila masa tak. I selalu je bagi dia masa especially bila dia nak buat assignment or study or even nak keluar dengan his friends. Tapi bila dengan I je ada je tak kena. Sedih. But I still love him. I doakan yang terbaik untuk relationship kitorang. Wish me luck korang!

XOXO,
Zha

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Just Another Bad Day

Assalamualaikum. Hello everyone. Okay penulisan kali ini definitely pasal luahan perasaan. Since I have no one. I repeat. NO ONE so I guess lebih baik I luahkan dekat blog. It's not that I wanna share my problems to the world but at least I tak la depressed.

I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.

Sejak datang KL ni lepas satu, satu benda jadi kat I. Nak kata semua bad things tak juga but mostly memang bad la. I guess KL is just not my place. Hujan emas di negeri orang. Hujan batu di negeri sendiri. I rindu Kota Kinabalu. Walaupun dekat sana tak lively macam KL tapi orang Sabah tak rude. Orang Sabah tak suka "honking". Paling penting my true friends and family ada dekat sana. Kawan yang tak pernah tinggalkan I masa susah. Yang sentiasa support I. Yang sentiasa tunggu I balik.

As I said, I am exhausted. Bukan je pasal kerja but also everything. EVERYTHING. Sometimes I just don't understand the people here. Kejap baik kejap tak baik. Dah 4 bulan kat sini macam macam perangai manusia I jumpa. Entah la. Nak kutuk pun kita duduk kat tempat diorang. Tapi one thing for sure they don't have respect for others. Tak semua tapi mostly.

What can you do when your good isn't good enough? I rasa I dah buat yang terbaik tapi masih ada yang tak kena. Tak kisah la dalam my relationship or my working place. To be honest tempat kerja I memang best. I can say I takde problem pun dengan tempat tu. Senang je nak adapt with the environment. Cuma certain people kat situ agak menyakitkan hati. Well. I tak kisah kalau kita nak bergurau. Tapi sometimes kita kena ada limit. Right? Kita tak tau orang tu tengah bad mood ke, tengah sedih ke. So bila nak bergurau tu beragak la. Kita semua penat. Especially keadaan tempat kerja tengah ada crisis. Orang pun buat kerja dalam keadaan serabut. Jadi janganlah buat keadaan jadi lebih teruk.

Then bila kita dah lalui hari buruk since pagi sampai ke petang, kita mesti la nak someone yang boleh dengar keluhan kita. Right? Tapi macam yang I cakap la. I have no one. Tak tau nak kongsi cerita dengan siapa. End up crying alone. Penat okay nak telan rasa sakit tu. I macam hilang hak I sebagai manusia untuk rasa sedih, marah or anything. Tugas I sebagai hamba Allah ni cuma untuk jaga hati dan perasaan orang tapi hati dan perasaan I takde siapa nak jaga. Mungkin Allah ada better plan untuk I. In shaa Allah.

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Hello?

Assalamualaikum and hello you guys. OH MY GUCCI korang!!! Finally I buka balik blog I yang dah lama I tak buka ni. Sebab dah lama tak berblog ayat pun dah tunggang terbalik. Ya Allah. Rasanya dah almost setahun I tak update dekat sini. Oh well long story short - I ada commitment dengan pelbagai benda. Ah ha. Jeng jeng jeng. Anyway. I am still doing my final internship here in KL. Serious terasa seperti ikan kering yang tersadai dekat tepi laut. OMG OMG tak sabarnya nak habis. Sebulan je lagi.

Sekarang ni I duduk dekat rumah sewa aunty I. And guess what? I have all this place to myself. Gahhh! I am so excited. And I dah ada P1 so takde la pisang sangat kalau duduk dekat rumah. Plus dekat sini ada swimming pool and gymnasium. AWESOME MUCH! I'm so gonna explore this place within a month.

Okay so I'm gonna find a time soon to update yang best punya story!!! Cause now I have to eat my dinner and watch my favorite show!!!

XOXO,

Zha

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Relationship

Assalamualaikum saudara saudari cikebom cikebom! Okay sebenarnya I is demam you olls tapi ntah kenapa time demam ni pula rasa rajin nak berblogging. Walaupun I demam tapi otak tak tepu lagi la nak story mory. Kalau story mory otak tak tepu tapi kalau fikir lagi 3 hari nak start class... Hah! Itu menyebabkan otak tepu serta merta. Oh My Gucci pejam celik tinggal 3 hari cuti semester I. Time flies. Oh well. Sementara I masih dekat rumah ni kan. Baik I update la blog I ni selagi boleh. Kalau dah sampai Penang nanti haram I nak sentuh laptop I ni. Kalau sentuh pun sebab assignment, nak validate course atau layan Running Man. That's all.

So entri kali ni nak cerita pasal apa? Relationship.

DANG!!! Sebut je relationship semua dok pikiaq pasai couple masing masing. Apa ampa ingat ampa dengan mak ayah ampa tu bukan relationship ka? Relationship ni bukan dengan pasangan masing masing je. Parents and siblings tu pun relationship kita juga. Hubungan anak beranak dan adik beradik is the best relationships a person will ever had. Siapa lagi yang lebih memahami kita kalau bukan mak ayah kan? Siapa yang akan defend kita kalau bukan kakak dengan abang kan? Tapi ye la. Bagi teenagers macam I ni bila sebut relationship memang fikir pasal boyfriend la cerita dia. Kalau dekat Twitter tu banyak je user yang tweet pasal cintan cintun, patah seribu dan lain lain lagi kan. Pastu kita ni la yang dok RT bendalah tu semua. I pun suka juga RT benda tu semua. Saja nak memeriahkan TL.

Zaman sekarang ni couple tu dah kira tradisi la. Bagi budak sekolah kira wajib la ada couple. I pun time high school dulu ada boyfriend juga. Cinta monyet la katakan. To be honest, for me benda tu mematangkan diri I la sebenarnya. Cehh. Tapi masa tu I belum fikir masa depan lagi. I mean bercinta masa sekolah ni semuanya nampak indah dan perfect. Lagi lagi pengaruh High School Musical kan? Sekarang ni movie banyak tayangkan pasal remaja bercinta dekat sekolah. Drama TV pun sama je dua kali lima sepuluh. Tapi hakikatnya in real life tidak seindah yang disangka. Jeng jeng jeng...

Ramai orang cakap kalau bercinta dekat Universiti ni most probably will end up with marriage. Betul ke tidak itu I tak sure la. Well kalau dah jodoh tu tak kira la kenal kat mana kan. Anyway, apa yang I cuba sampaikan di sini bercinta dekat Universiti ni ada baik dan ada buruknya. Banyak contoh yang I boleh bagi melalui pengalaman dan pemerhatian I. Ramai member I yang pasangan diorang dari course yang sama. Itu memang sangat best sebab diorang boleh study sekali. Untung sangat. Lagi lagi kalau both of them memang intelligent, I rasa anak anak diorang mesti pergh! UPSR 5A dapat kondominium. Tett! Ada juga yang pasangan diorang dari course yang lain. Boleh je study sekali tapi tak boleh bincang soalan la sebab yang sorang belajar pasal tanah yang sorang cerita pasal tepung. Tett! Tapi pasangan yang macam ni best sebab diorang boleh bertukar tukar pengalaman dan pengetahuan. Trust me. I dah belajar banyak pasal Civil Engineering sebab masa Muiz exam I yang study untuk dia.

Nampak macam seronok je kan? Rasa macam lepas diploma ni nak kahwin je. Hah! You olls tak tau cerita lagi kalau gaduh. Kalau boleh tikam, rasa nak tikam 7 kali. Ni la masalah kalau dapat lelaki yang cemburu buta ni. Cemburu tu boleh sebenarnya. Tapi bukan cemburu buta. Tak semestinya kitorang ni ramai member lelaki, kitorang suka kat diorang. Tau korang jealous tapi kalau boleh dengar dulu penjelasan kitorang ni. Lagi satu. Tak payah la nak canang 1 dunia kalau gaduh tu. Kita dua je tau dah la. Semua benda boleh bawa bincang kan. To be honest, sesetengah perempuan ni, lagi lagi I, makin korang paksa makin I tak suka. Makin rasa nak memberontak. So solution dia, biar semua pihak bertenang dulu. Bincang elok elok. Bila pasangan awak dah minta maaf tu terima la. Dia betul betul dah menyesal tu. Perempuan kalau dah marah memang tak boleh kawal. Sebab tu talak hanya lelaki boleh jatuhkan. Kalau perempuan ada kuasa, memang bercerai berai la cerita dia.

XOXO, ZHA.

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